I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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