hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
