i just sent this text using only my big toe
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
