Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
