Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
