Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
