This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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