I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
