I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am puke
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
