I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
