I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I did not marry a roomba.
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