return my video game
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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