so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
