I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
