i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
