i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
