Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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