Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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