I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
