If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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