Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
