How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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