Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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