The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
