found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
