yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
