I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
