I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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