Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
