I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
