Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
