Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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