yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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