all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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