i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
