Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
