Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Found your dick twin last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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