After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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