after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
