I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
