i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
