Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
