I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
