Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
