Pappa wants mamma naked
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
