I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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