let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
