oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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