Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
