OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
